comfort

I'm learning that the more uncomfortable you feel the more God is working in you. Trying to teach you something. Trying to show you he's there and that if you push through you will see his plan at the end. I'm feeling uncomfortable right now. I'm praying that I will push through and let God work in my heart.

Happy Friday! I finally have a day off. Just 1. But, I'm so thankful for it. Get to paint my bedroom!! fun stuff!!

how quickly it all can change

Life is so..........there is no word for it....

I love how one day I can be miserable and hopeless and the next day I turn to God and my fears go away. I feel at peace. I feel better. Good things happen. Pieces fall into the right places.

Today is a beautiful day to stand up for what you believe in and stand up for the creator/our savior/sin redeemer.

I love the feeling of the holy spirit inside me. It gives me hope of so much more to come. There is so much out there that we dont' know yet. Our spirits don't belong in our bodies but are meant for so much more after our short time here on earth.

I'm so excited to do His work. To see his plans. To see Heaven. To see the Golden streets.

Peace is in Him. Even though at times it's hard to see past what the world has thrown at us. But, we are a relection on Him so we should realize that and carry the light and spirit with us always.

Be frutiful and be a bearer of peace.

I have realized that constant prayer brings center to you always.

He is waiting for us...we need to reach out to Him.

been a while part 2

life is chaos.

why can't i keep it together. i know where i should be. i know who i need to be. i know right from wrong. but why do i keep messing up.

when i say one thing why do i do the opposite.

i feel like crumbling.

there is so much going on and i can't prioritize. i can't keep it straight.

i need a good friend. i need someone to hold me accountable.

yes i have my husband. but he is swamped with school.

i have to be patient with that. he is under so much pressure i don't feel like i can talk to him.

plus the things im going through is more of girl talk anyways.

it more or less relates to him.

i get jealous WAAYY to easily. why is it so easy for some girls to not have a care in the world. to just be chill about everything.

i wish i could be like that.

so many times i have told God. you are in control but then something stupid happens i freak out and make stupid mistakes and end up in the same pattern.

i can't escape this cycle i am in and it's slowly killing me and my marriage.

why can't i just grow up. im 23, have a house, a dog, 2 cats, a husband, 3 jobs, loans, bills...you think that would be enough for someone to act their age.

but i feel like im still in high school mentality. i hate this crap.

i have been drinking too much. nic doesn't know. i am smoking.

i hate admitting this because no one knows. but i think if i don't say it no one will know what's going on and no one can help.

so, please don't judge...to whoever reads this. maybe no one will.

but if there is any good advice out there. any encouraging words. please tell me.

i just don't know what to do.

i feel like im lacking in self control. im lacking in patience and understanding.

im lacking so much.

why can't i be the girl i want to be.

it's too much sometimes.

i am selfish. if i don't get my way. if i don't get what i want. if nic doesn't say what i want to hear. if he doesn't do what i want him to do. i get my feelings hurt too easily and just destroy what we have. push him farther away.

how do i fix this.


i revolve my life around nic. i revolve my feelings around him. i can't even concentrate at work becasue im worried about him and what he is doing.

why can't i just let go???

does anyone know where i'm coming from or am i just crazy?