strong

I'm learning today how to be strong.

All day every day there are little choices that we make. We can go one way or the other. We make the right choice or the wrong choice. Today I need strength to make the right choice. I want so badly to be a light. To do good. Always make the right choice. For so long I have made the wrong choices on a daily basis.

This is very hard for me to do. I'm trying to retrain my brain to be someone I want to be. When I do something I don't want to do it comes back bad. When I act like a child, when I'm rude or disrespectful I don't get the reaction from others I want. I want to be someone others want to be around. Especially my husband. He is my light and it breaks my heart when I dissapoint him. He is my minsitry. He is my life. My goal.

So, from no forward I am making the effort I should have started making a long time ago. I feel like I am on my own though. I have no accountability. I have no one to express this to who would understand.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but whenever I feel myself wanting to throw myself a pity party or think bad thoughts or do something wrong or make the wrong choice...I tell myself I love him more.

No matter what I need to be strong. That's the only way I'm going to get through this trial.

God is making me stronger. I just hope my husband can see that. I hope he can see how badly I want us to be in love and how badly I want him to respect me. For so long I have lost his respect. I know it takes time. It's only been a week.

I just keep telling myself I will be okay.

And when those little moments come along when I can go one way or the other please Lord help me make the right choice.