love

there is no better feeling than the feeling of true love bestowed upon you by another human being. True unconditional love. I'm so blessed to feel this kind of love!

I can't stop smiling today!!

new week...new life

So, it's Monday.

This week is going to be another great week. I am not going to let the nagging negative thoughts that go through my mind to affect me...you need to lose weight, you need to do this and that, you need to look better...I have all these thoughts that creep up on me.

Instead of letting these things get me down I am going to trudge on. I am going to be a light and keep working toward being the best person I can be.

I'm so grateful for my life. I have an amazing..and I mean seriously amazing husband. I have a job. I have a house. I have cars that run.

I just need to take care of myself and my mind.

Life is beautiful if you let it be. Not letting the ugliness bring me down.

I'm excited for this new week. I'm going to make the best of it that I can

I'm not going to get down at work when I don't want to be here. I'm not going to complain when Nic asks me for help around the house. I'm not going to eat or drink things that are bad for my body.

It's hard changing. Hard being a new person.

But, I can do it.

strong

I'm learning today how to be strong.

All day every day there are little choices that we make. We can go one way or the other. We make the right choice or the wrong choice. Today I need strength to make the right choice. I want so badly to be a light. To do good. Always make the right choice. For so long I have made the wrong choices on a daily basis.

This is very hard for me to do. I'm trying to retrain my brain to be someone I want to be. When I do something I don't want to do it comes back bad. When I act like a child, when I'm rude or disrespectful I don't get the reaction from others I want. I want to be someone others want to be around. Especially my husband. He is my light and it breaks my heart when I dissapoint him. He is my minsitry. He is my life. My goal.

So, from no forward I am making the effort I should have started making a long time ago. I feel like I am on my own though. I have no accountability. I have no one to express this to who would understand.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but whenever I feel myself wanting to throw myself a pity party or think bad thoughts or do something wrong or make the wrong choice...I tell myself I love him more.

No matter what I need to be strong. That's the only way I'm going to get through this trial.

God is making me stronger. I just hope my husband can see that. I hope he can see how badly I want us to be in love and how badly I want him to respect me. For so long I have lost his respect. I know it takes time. It's only been a week.

I just keep telling myself I will be okay.

And when those little moments come along when I can go one way or the other please Lord help me make the right choice.

life with a vengance

i'm back.

with a vengance.

i've been gone.

i've been down.

i've come around.

here i am.

this is new.

this is bright.

my future is unfolding.

im over the rainbow.