wow. i just had this completely overwhelming feeling of sabatoge. like my coworkers are out to take my job, like my husband has alterior motives, like my own body is in a state of rebellion. which it is. this feeling of insecurity. why can't i shake it.
im a prisoner of my mind and my mind kills me. kills the person i want to be. kills the person i know God wants me to be. it's debilitating. i cant handle it anymore. i get so tense and uptight.
i feel everyone around me looks at me like im ignorant...uncapable of logical thought..
sometimes i wonder if i black out for a few seconds of life.
im obsessed with learning about changing myself. but yet never put it to action. i know things in my head. but my actions speak otherwise.
why am i so insecure. why do encouraging words do nothing for me.
im waiting for something to drop. i feel sabatoge.
im not this person. its something that's affecting everything and it's not wanted.
how do i shake it.
i need a true friend.
but what if im right. what if people seem me as a complete ignoramous. i feel like it half the time. i feel like im so obssessed with becoming something but not doing..ive become obssessed wondering what people think about me but i do nothing to impress them.
i feel like i am failing at my job. like i don't do a good enough job. like this girl down the way is about to take it from me.
i hurt everywhere. i hurt all the time. i dont want this.
ive given this to God. im so hurt.
lord, please save me. please take this away. my heart is shattering. i feel my own husband is with me for convienience and i love him more than anything. lord, what can i do. how can i shake this. what am i missing
i feel as though im always missing something.
and now beastie boys is in my head..
im telling ya'll it's sabatoge...
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